Am I a control freak?
Is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? Yes to all (except the last one 'cause that's just you not thinking)!
As I mentioned before, I'm an organizer. My need to systemize things is a symptom of my bigger need to control my environment. One of my fantasies is that I'm Samantha Stevens in Bewitched or Jeannie in the show I Dream of Jeannie. With a twitch of my nose or the blink of my eyes, I can regiment the world around me. Housework is done instantly. Lesson plans are brilliantly completed in seconds. No more driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic. But of course, none of that could happen. Instead, I'm left twitching and blinking in a perculiar, maniacal manner.
I did always wonder a few things about these two shows. For instance, why did these women always limit their abilities to small stuff? There's no mention of catching crooks and murderers, but heaven forbid Gladys Kravitz should be standing on the front lawn. And why is it that these women had simpering, spineless men at their sides? Perhaps a therapist from the Great Beyond could explain their deep-seeded needs, but I find it highly incredulous. Besides the afore-mentioned deeds, I could use my abilities to find Osama Bin Laden, the Weapons of Mass Destruction, and Jimmy Hoffa. We could have world peace and and a patched-up ozone. We'd have a place to raise happy, healthy children.
But I digress.
I have come to the realization that I cannot blink or twitch chaos into world order. So if you hear someone honking behind you on the freeway, it could be me hinting for you to get out of the way!
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2 comments:
TWITCHING AND BLINKING! Love that- like the inspector who gets institutionalized in the Pink Panther movies.
OK, I was thinking about your blog in the shower this morning and trying to remember what you said... unbidden, my mind crafted, "Does the pope shit in the woods?" (Is that how that expression goes?)
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