From the Amazon to Home: A Journey in Easy Steps

I just finished reading River of Doubt. The book was lent to me by Laurie, and it chronicles the travels of Teddy Roosevelt in South America. A truly remarkable journey, it reminds readers just what kind of man was Roosevelt. The expedition suffered many hardships almost right from the start. As I read the book, I imagined myself taking the journey with today's modern conveniences, imagining what it must have been like for Roosevelt and the rest of the expedition. However, an important point is made by Roosevelt's son Kermit. He explains it is when conditions worsen, that a person's true self comes out. I guess that leaves me out.

Caveman and I had the same reaction when we read about trips up Mt. Everest. We both imagined what it might be like to go - even just up to Camp 1. When Everest came out at our IMAX theater, we went with enthusiasm. However, as soon as they showed climbers crossing a crevasse with nothing more than a regular aluminum ladder, a rope, and oversized boots, we both looked at each other and said, "NO WAY!"

A few weeks later, Caveman suggested that maybe we plan an extended hiking trip. I suggested the Appalachian Trail. He asked if there were one closer to home. I explained that there was the Colorado Trail. He was very keyed up about it until I bought a book about the Colorado Trail complete with photos by John Fielder. Caveman responded, "So what's the Appalachian Trail like?"

So Caveman now wanted to plan a trip out East complete with supplies sent ahead, places to camp, and sites to see. Then he read A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson chronicling one saga on the Appalachian Trail. At one point in the story, an intrepid hiker jettisons his gear before even making the trailhead. Caveman hasn't brought up the hike since.

Sometimes we even have difficulty in Vegas. There was the time I wore new tennis shoes on the trip and developed blisters on my toes. The heat was 107 at 7:00 in the morning. I know this because our room had a view of a bank's thermometer flashing the temperature. Caveman insisted on walking to every casino on the strip in order to get their free coupons. I limped behind complaining of the heat and my feet. This brought out Caveman's superior male attitude forged millions of years ago in the primordial soup. He pointed out that with just a little imagination, he could "feel the cool breezes coming off the mountains." I pointed out that the cool breeze was the air conditioning coming out of the casinos to lure in gamblers (or gambol"ers" as was our case). I wished to be lured in, even reeled in, and at this point I would have gladly given all my money to put my ass down on a chair for an hour and drink. To make matters worse, with every free coupon, I won! Caveman became indignant that the the Gambling Gods were rewarding the person who didn't really want the coupons.

I say sometimes we have difficulty in Vegas because Caveman and I both agree that the next Vegas trip was the best ever. That's the trip where the Rio screwed up our room and so they gave us one their penthouses for a night. Talk about luxury! The bathroom was bigger than the room we eventually got. And in the penthouse, they don't post signs that say, "Please reuse your towels if possible to conserve water." The penthouse people get fresh towels even if someone else has to go without ice cubes in their drink. We even asked what it would cost to have it for another night, but the hotel refused. It seems that by checking our casino cards, the casino noted that we had not gambled during that 24 hour period. Like a couple of hicks, we had stayed in the room the whole time simply admiring the marble, the carpeting, and the big screen TV. The room was given only to big gamblers, or in our case, temporary lodging.

And I guess, that kinda sums up the travellers we really are. We are willing to see extreme locations as long as we can do it from the window of a comfortable vehicle or watch a documentary on the Travel Channel in the comfort of our own home.